


Almost perfect

by LanaSwen



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2018-04-09
Packaged: 2019-04-20 18:56:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14267457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LanaSwen/pseuds/LanaSwen
Summary: Emma left town 5 years ago and Regina has managed to move on and build a perfect life for herself, but Emma’s return makes her realise that maybe there’s been something missing the whole time.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Just an idea i’ve been thinking of for a while, let me know what you think and please bare with me, this is the first fic i’ve written in 2 years.

5 years have passed since everything fell apart, and she’s mostly happy now. Of course there are still moments when she is all Regina can think about, moments triggered by a yellow car passing by on the street, or walking into her son’s bedroom to see the framed photo of the three of them looking like the perfect family that they once, almost, were, but they are just small moments of weakness in what is now an equally almost perfect life. Because that was her old life, and if she thinks about her old life too much then her new life doesn’t seem quite so perfect. 

It’s Tuesday afternoon when everything falls apart again, she’s walking to Snow and David’s apartment to pick up Neal to take him for ice cream, as she has every Tuesday for the past 3 years now, and instead of the parking spot outside the apartment being empty, the once familiar, infuriatingly obnoxious bright yellow car that she now hasn’t seen in half a decade, is parked outside. Obviously Regina knows that she isn’t the only one who owns this particular type of car, but she just knows it’s hers, knows that of course nothing can stay good for too long. She walks up the stairs and into the apartment, after taking a few minutes to compose herself because she will not waste anymore tears on a situation that has long been forgotten. Almost. 

“Aunt Regina!!!” Neal screams, before launching himself into her arm’s almost as soon as the door opens. She catches him of course. the same way she does every time this situation occurs, and hugs him tightly to her, enjoying being able to pick him up in her arms while she still can. Everyday he gets more and more like her with his blond curls and adorably big green-blue eyes, but that’s not why she has so much affection for him, it’s not. It’s just that she’s always been good with children and since Henry is now an adult, she’s focusing her motherly instinct on her best friend’s son. She’s aunt Regina to Neal, and it’s her favourite title in life besides being Henry’s mom. His only mom now. 

She can sense her sitting across the room almost as soon as she steps in the door with the small 6 year old in her arms, but she doesn’t dare look towards her, she can’t. Snow’s looking at her with the same pitying look she did everyday for nearly 2 years after Emma left, and it just makes her so angry because things were good. Things were good and she’s finally okay and it’s not fair that it’s going to be ruined. She smiles at Snow like nothing is wrong though because she won’t deal with this, not again. 

“Will Neal be staying with me tonight or will you be picking him up when you come over for dinner?” she asks, still smiling but firmly looking snow in the eyes, refusing to look over at the thing that’s once again threatening to ruin her happiness. “Actually, Regina, i don’t think we can make it tonight-“ Regina cuts her off with a sharp, commanding “No” and a look that’s just so pleading and desperate for her not to break the illusion that everything is still normal that it breaks Snow’s heart. She takes a deep breath and then speaks in a much softer, but still equally as commanding tone when she says, “We always have dinner at my house on Tuesdays. What time should i expect you?” Snow can’t bare to watch Regina break again, not the way she did before, so she gives a small smile and says “We’ll be there for 6. Neal would like to stay with you though, if that’s okay.” 

Relief washes over Regina’s face as she plasters on the biggest, fakest smile any of them have seen her wear for a long time and says “Wonderful, and he’s always welcome, you know that. See you at six.” and then turns to leave, still clutching neal in her arms, just a little tighter now, and picks up his backpack from beside the door before stepping back outside and away from any potential problems that may ruin this for her.

The only problem is that her almost perfect life doesn’t seem quite so perfect anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So i was motivated to get the second chapter finished earlier than planned by a friend who gave me some really lovely and productive feedback. This chapter will be from Emma’s point of view, however most of the story will be from Regina’s and occasionally Henry’s when needed, i feel like it’s necessary to understand the situation from each of their perspectives. Thank you for the kudos/comments so far!

She isn’t sure what posseses her to go to Regina’s mansion the following afternoon when she had made it perfectly clear by refusing to even acknowledge her existence that she has no interest in seeing her anymore. Still though, she’s walking the still distantly familiar route up to the mansion before she can stop herself, and trying desperately to think of what to say when, if, Regina allow’s her to talk to her. She’s unreasonably mad at Regina for the complete dismissal she received from her yesterday. It was completely justified, she knows, and it’s not like she has any right to be throwing angry accusations around after the way she’s treated pretty much everyone, but still, she can’t help the hurt that comes with being forgotten by someone who once looked at her like she was the whole world. 

Whatever it is that she’s expecting to see when the door to the mansion swings open, it is certainly not her, now fully grown, son looking at her with hard, angry eyes and spitting out “what the hell are you doing here?” with a look of fury and despair that completely mirrors his other mother’s. her throat is closing up and she can’t say anything more than a whispered “Henry” before the tears form in her eyes and she suddenly realises just how much she had given up when she left, how selfish she had been. 

Despite the complete despair on her face, his face doesn’t soften, he just looks at her with so much betrayal that her heart breaks in two before repeating the same question in that same almost disgusted tone that she’s already grown to hate, it’s never been directed at her before now and she can’t bare it. 

“I’m so sorry, Henry. I love you so much. I’m so sorry.” and she knows she sounds pathetic, can hear it in her voice as she practically begs her son to just listen to her, to stop looking at her in the way he used to look at his other mom back when he thought she was evil, but she can’t stop herself, this is her child and suddenly he’s not a child anymore and she had given him up for a second time and has no one to blame but herself but she’s just so broken by the thought of the one person who has always looked at her like she is a hero suddenly hating her. 

“You need to leave before my mom gets back. You have no idea what you did to her, did to us. she was broken, Emma. We were your family and you dropped us like we were nothing. Sorry will not fix this. Things are good, you’re not ruining my mom’s happiness again, i won’t let you.” He barks out at her. All of it hurts, but what hurts the most is ‘were’, “we were your family” like she’s just been written out and forgotten since she left, like she was never there at all. she can’t stand it, and although she knows he’ll hate her more for it, her only option is to run. Again. She turns away and is about to rush back towards the town, towards her car so she can get in it and leave and forget that she ever came back to this place where everything is different and no one needs her anymore, when she realises that the gate at the end of the path is open and Regina is stood just inside looking completely as if she might faint, or cry, or maybe set something on fire. So many emotions flicker across Regina’s face but just as she remembers, anger wins and she straighten’s her spine and barks out “Miss Swan, what the hell are you doing in my house?” and she can’t do anything but let out a sob in something that might be relief because although Regina is angry at her, is shouting at her and looking at her as if she is the last person she ever wants to see, she’s not ignoring her and atleast this is something. It’s a start. She doubts Regina will listen, knows she definitely won’t forgive her anytime soon, but maybe, maybe she can eventually make all this right.


	3. Chapter 3

She’s invited her, for some ridiculous reason, into her home despite the- what she feels is justified, anger and resentment she feels bubbling up inside her every time she so much as looks at Emma or thinks of those first two years after she had left. She had been convinced that she’d be back, foolish and naive and hoping, and now that she’s here she’s not sure she can handle it.

She’s exactly as she had been 5 years ago, except maybe now that she doesn’t seem to be stuck with that awful pirate she seems a little more hopeful. a little more herself. And Regina hates it, hates that despite the fact that she despises her right now, maybe forever, she is also just as desperately in love with her as she has been for the last 7 years. Stupid feelings. Of course she isn’t foolish enough to let Emma know that she still thinks she is the sun and the stars and that she wants to just take her into her arms and never let her go again. Instead, she is maintaining a polite distance that is likely hurting Emma even more than any dismissal or anger ever could. good, a part of her that is still bitter and angry and as close to the evil queen as she has felt in years, thinks. Let her hurt.

The only issue with that is that Emma resembles a lost puppy right now and although she is no where near weak enough to forgive her yet, maybe ever, she might just be able to talk to her about it. She owes it to what they could have been to at least try and see things from Emma’s perspective.

“I won’t apologise on Henry’s behalf, he has a right to be angry and also to express those feelings. However, i do feel the need to point out that he was wrong about me being broken. You made a choice to leave, and despite any initial feelings i may have had regarding your abrupt departure, i can assure you that I have been completely fine. I have a family. I have my son. I don’t need anything else in order to be happy. Everything is not about you, Miss Swan.” Not Anymore, she thinks, but keeps that part to herself. She used to wonder often if Emma had any idea of the extent of her importance to her, but after about a year of her being gone she figured that if she did she at least just didn’t care.

The lost puppy look has turned into more of a kicked puppy look, and Regina hates herself for the fact that she can only feel the slightest bit of joy at the expense of Emma’s hurt feelings. It’s the being desperately in love with her thing, probably, but Emma will never know that. Certainly not.

For a long time, Emma doesn’t say anything, just looks down at the ground, the shame and self loathing she is currently experiencing clearly displayed by her body language, but then she finally speaks, her voice soft and wavering, clearly holding back tears. “i missed you every day, so much, Regina.” And Regina is startled because she was expecting an apology or more of the begging she witnessed when she found Emma speaking to henry, but instead what she gets is vulnerable honesty and she doesn’t know how to react to it. She had expected screaming and fighting and Emma trying to justify breaking her whole world in two with meaningless excuses and reasons, but never this. She knows that she should be angry, should react to the heartfelt confession with rage and fury and words that will break Emma in the same way that she had broken her, broken everyone important to her in this town, but she’s tired and she’s missed Emma so much that it has pysichally hurt and she’s preparing to shout, to scream at her that she has no right to say things like that, to manipulate her into becoming the weak and vulnerable version of herself that has missed Emma back so desperately that she is already mostly forgiven for leaving, but she can’t bring herself to do it. Not now that she might finally have her back. Not now yellow cars passing by on the street and the framed family photo in Henry’s room aren’t all she has anymore. Emma left and she’s furious at her, of course, and she will be for a long time. But Emma also came back. And she just can’t make herself push her away again.

“I don’t forgive you. And if you ever do anything like that again you won’t even have to run away, because you will no longer be welcome around my family. Every single person who loves you has had to work so hard to adjust to living without you in their lives, and you can’t come back and give them hope just to rip it away from them again. So you’re either back here or you’re not. because they can not go through losing you again. I can not go through loosing you you again.” Her voice cracks on the final sentence and tears are spilling from her eyes before she can even think to stop them, and she’s being pulled into Emma’s arms for the first time in 5 years and suddenly she feels like she’s home.


	4. Chapter 4

They are in the living room, a polite distance away from each other but still on the same couch. The awkwardness has returned since Emma reluctantly let Regina go from her arms, and they are back to Regina’s polite distance and Emma’s terrified uncertainty. 

Emma is the first one to speak, she supposes she atleast owes it to Regina to be the one to make the effort right now. “When you told me you were happy for me, I took that as your way of giving me your blessing and letting me know that you didn’t want me in the way i was starting to think you could. Then at the wedding, when I looked over at you and could see that you were obviously holding something back, I thought you might have maybe stopped it, that i was wrong about you not wanting me, but then you didn’t and I didn’t want to be on my own, Regina. He was my only option, going ahead with the wedding was the only thing i felt like i could do. Once we were married, he made all the decisions, he told me we should leave, we should start again, and i agreed with him. I thought it would be easier than being around you when i knew that i could never have you in the way that i wanted you. I’m sorry, Regina. I missed you every single day, I knew leaving was a mistake almost as soon as we crossed over the town line. I’m sorry.” Somewhere along the way she has started crying, again, but she finds that she just can’t bring herself to care. Not with the way that Regina is looking at her, still with that same hard anger but now what also might be understanding. 

Nothing is said for a while, Regina is processing and Emma is quite honestly too scared to say anything else and really, there really isn’t anything else to say, this is the only explanation she has. The only one she can give without revealing too much.

finally, Regina speaks, clearly still angry but with a softer tone to it than Emma was expecting, or deserves, really. “I was doing what I thought would make you happy. You chose him, Emma. I never made it a secret how i felt about you. you had the option to leave him, to atleast try, but you chose the easy option because you were scared. You protected yourself while hurting everyone else. I don’t know how you can just show up back here, after 5 years, Emma, and expect everything to still be the same. Expect us not to have moved on. What did you think we were going to do? we thought you were gone forever, you completely cut all out of your life. Even Henry, Emma. Your son. Our son. I mean, how hard is it to pick up a phone every once in a while, to call or text or atleast let us know you are still alive? If not me then atleast Henry, or your parents. I can’t even think about the look on our little boy’s face when he went over to your house and realised that you were gone. You didn’t even say goodbye, Emma. You were selfish and inconsiderate and don’t you dare tell me that you cared about me at all when you left me here without you!” she’s sobbing now, desperate and uncontrollable and although Emma feels the need to do the same she somehow doubts that making this about her would be appreciated right now. Instead, she reaches out very slowly and places her hand over Regina’s, hoping desperately that she won’t be rejected, that Regina won’t pull away from her. She doesn’t, however she does glare down at Emma’s hand on hers like it has no place being there anymore.

And it doesn’t, Emma supposes. 

She doesn’t say anything, she just waits for Regina to calm down. After about 5 minutes Regina is back to being mostly composed and Emma nervously clears her throat before she’s saying “I’m sorry. I know it doesn’t make anything right, and I know you don’t want to hear it, but i really do mean it. And i do care about you, please, please believe me when i say that. You’re right, i was scared and I ran and i made everyone else suffer for my inability to deal with my feelings. But i promise i care, about all of you. I’m here now. And i want to make it up to you, to everyone. You don’t have to forgive me yet, or ever, if you don’t want to, but please give me a chance. Please.” 

She waits as Regina stares at her, seemingly contemplating the sincerity of her words before finally nodding once and saying “Okay. You need to go and talk to Henry, if he will let you. You need to apologise and you need to make up a reason for why you left that is as close to the truth as you’re going to get without the parts about your apparent feelings for me. He may not be a child anymore but we are not giving him any false ideas about what was, or is, between us. And then you need to go and do the same with your parents, and the little brother that you abandoned. You said you wanted a chance to prove that you’re staying, so after you have apologised to Snow and David, you will join them when they come over for dinner at 5. If you’re staying permenantly then you won’t be getting a room at granny’s, and there’s no room at your parent’s now that Neal is older, so you’ll stay here, in the guest room, until you can find somewhere permenant.”

Emma looks so hopeful at the idea of staying with her that she feels the need to clarify the situation. “I’m doing this for my Family, Emma. Not for you. I do understand, partly, why you left though. It was selfish and stupid but i do understand. There was a time when selfish and stupid were my two main qualities. You gave me a second chance, so i will do the same for you. Not a third. It will take some time but i’d like to think that eventually i will be able to forgive you.” 

Emma has silent tears spilling down her face and she can’t do anymore than a whispered “Thank you.” and a small, tentative, smile before she’s getting up and heading towards her son’s bedroom. 

Before she makes it to the door though, Regina speaks again, all the anger gone from her tone when she says, “And, Emma? I missed you too.” followed by a small smile that looks like it might be the start of a new beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be Emma’s conversation with Henry. Thank you for reading! xo


	5. Chapter 5

Henry is sulking. He’s angry, of course, but mostly he just feels 13 again, devastated and confused and blaming Emma for pretty much ruining his life. Of course he’s not 13, he’s 18 years old and much more mature than he was when she left, and perfectly aware that Emma leaving, although devastating, did not actually ruin his life. In fact, for at least the past 3 years life has been good. Really good. And now he’s even more mad at Emma because she’s going to ruin it all, again. Of course she wouldn’t care, she wasn’t the one who had to deal with mom, broken and sad and nothing like herself, he thinks, bitterly. 

He’s pulled out of his dark thoughts when there’s a tentative knock on the door that can only possibly be Emma. “Go away.” he says, sounding every bit as furious as he had when he found her on the front porch earlier in the day. 

She wants to respect his wishes, to give him time to adjust to the fact that she’s here again, but Regina had asked, almost ordered, her to talk to him, and nothing is going to get better if she doesn’t at least try, she supposes. 

“I know you don’t want to talk to me right now, but i just want a chance to explain. I spoke to your mom and we, i think we might be able to work things out between us. maybe. And she asked me to speak to you. Please, at least do it for your mom.” It’s not fair, she knows, to almost manipulate him into speaking to her by using Regina, but she knows if Henry is going to be persuaded by anything it’s his loyalty to his mom. 

She’s proven right because Henry is suddenly at the, now open, door to his bedroom, looking at her expectantly with what can only be described as complete distrust on his features. It hurts her to look at him, knowing that she missed the final years of his childhood and he now needs her even less than he did before, but she still forces herself to meet his eyes when she speaks. “Henry, I know i’ve said it already, but I am so sorry. You have no idea how much i regret leaving, and i promise you that if i could turn back time and make everything right again I would.” 

He doesn’t say anything, the air of distrust around him still very much present, but he does move aside from the doorway and allow her to move into the room. She chooses to sit down on the chair opposite his bed, and just waits for him to say something, or atleast move from the spot he’s been in since she entered the room. Eventually, he moves over to sit on the bed opposite her. “Why did you do it Emma? why did you have to leave? Things were good and you ruined them! Why couldn’t you just let us all be happy?” he spits out at her, but it doesn’t sound angry anymore, in fact, it’s more vulnerable that he’s sounded since she returned, and she can clearly see the tears he is holding back that have formed in his eyes. She wants to go over to him and hug him to her, to try to comfort him the same way she would have 5 years ago when he still thought of her as his mother, but instead she just takes in a shaky breath and tries to explain herself in the same way she had with Regina. 

She tells him about the wedding, about how she was unhappy before it even happened but it felt like it was her only choice, she tells him how controlling hook had been once they were married, and how he, somehow, managed to convince her that leaving town was the right idea. By the time she’s finished she’s on the verge of tears, only holding them back due to the fact she knows that Henry will be less understanding of them than his mother had been. 

She is completely expecting the complete Rejection that follows, Henry refusing to even try to accept that what she could be saying is true, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. He tells her that he thinks his mom is wrong to give her another chance, and that he doesn’t want her around him unless it’s absolutely necessary, and all she can do is agree before giving one more teary apology and making her way out of his room. 

She doesn’t tell Regina about how harsh Henry had been, she knows she would side with him, would defend his right to his feelings and his expression of them, she just informs her that it hadn’t gone well with him and that maybe the dinner that evening isn’t a good idea. Regina rejects that idea much too quickly for someone who is supposed to hate her right now, barking out a “We only just have you back Miss Swan, you will not be leaving again already. I’ll see you at 5.” before she’s ushering her out the door, sending her on her way to the conversation with her parents that she is absolutely dreading.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, i have decided to have Henry react this way to Emma for a reason, the tension between them will continue for a few chapters but will not last forever. Next chapter will be the conversation between Emma and her parents and the family reunion dinner. Thank you for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

She’s stood outside the apartment, trying to work up the courage to take herself inside and face the conversation she has been dreading since she returned home. Her parent’s apartment had been the first place she had come to when she had returned, she’s been back for almost 2 full days and has managed to avoid this. She had just showed up and apologised and cried and that had been enough for her parents for a while. But she knows that eventually they’re going to want an explaination, that they were just as affected by her departure than the other members of her family. She can hear neal laughing with David inside, and it breaks her heart to know that as soon as she is in there he will go back to being quiet and reserved, wary around her, a stranger, in the same way he had been since she had returned and spent time in their apartment. Her abandonment, as Regina had called it, of him is a completely different issue, he was just a baby when she left and he doesn’t remember her, she had barely any time being his sister, but the fierce defence of her brother that Regina displayed when he was brought into the conversation warms her heart. She knows that neal has had someone who isn’t his parents looking out for him. She doesn’t know for sure but she imagines that Henry has just as much of a good relationship with him as Regina does. That thought just makes her heart feel even more heavy, she’s missed out on so much that she doesn’t even know what life is like for her family anymore. 

She pushes her thoughts aside for the moment and knocks on the apartment door, being greeted by her mother only a few seconds later. Snow smiles at her, not quite as brightly as she did before, but it’s more than she had received from her son and her, well, Regina, so she’ll take what she can get. She’s led into the apartment, neal now curled up beside David on the couch, the laughter she heard outside now gone from the room. David gives her a small wave and a smile, but unlike yesterday doesn’t try to get Neal to greet her. She waves back at her dad and tries hard not to think about her brother’s rejection of her. She has no right to hurt over something that is her own fault. 

She takes a seat on the kitchen island and looks over at her parents before saying “can we talk? I wanted to um, explain, a few things, about why i left.” She’s uncomfortable, she has never had an emotional conversation with her parents, she’s always left before it could get to be too much to deal with, but now she doesn’t have a choice. She owes them an explanation. 

She’s saved from her inner termoil, however, by her mother holding up a hand to stop her before saying, in a voice that so understanding that it makes Emma hurt all the more for leaving them, “You don’t have to explain anything to us. We have you back. Honestly, reliving the past 5 years, and the time just before you left is something that is too painful to do right now. As long as you promise that you’re not going to disappear again, you don’t have to explain. We forgive you. And i’m sure i’ll find out most of the details from Regina anyway.” Emma is arching an eyebrow in shocked curiousity at that last part and snow clearly catches on to the silent question because she clarifies, “We have weekly lunch dates. She’ll need to talk, and usually when that is the case i’m the one she talks to.” Emma finds that hard to believe but she suposses that it’s been a long time and a lot has changed, so she just nods and accepts the information, giving a small smile to her mother before asking them if it would be okay to hang out at their apartment before they all head over to Regina’s for dinner. 

Dinner is awkward, as expected. Henry is still ignoring her and Regina is looking at her like she can’t quite believe that she’s really there and her parents are hovering around her as if they still don’t trust that she’s not about to run to her car and leave town again. Despite the air of awkwardness that is so evidently present though, there is also a comfortable familiarity between everybody else that she can’t help but feel jealous of. She reminds herself that she has no right and forces herself to just focus on the amazing meal that Regina has made. at least Regina’s exceptional cooking skills haven’t changed since she’s been away.

There are conversations throughout dinner that she doesn’t understand, because she has no part in them, and wishes so badly that she could be at one of these dinner’s 5 years ago where she has a place and understands everything that’s going on. 

The only thing that keeps her from getting up and leaving, running away from this dinner where she feels so out of place is the sight of Regina and her brother, thick as theives, across the table, so adorable with each other that it makes her wish more than anything that she had been around when Regina was raising a young Henry. Regina’s natural motherly instincts have always been one of the most attractive and endearing things about her, and she’s never been more glad that she was the one to get Henry. She really was his best chance. And she doesn’t know him, not anymore, but she is almost certain that despite the justified anger directed to her, she knows what abandonment can do to a person, he’s grown into the most amazing guy. She just hopes so desperately that eventually he’ll allow her to get to know him again.

Her sudden grief must be displayed clearly on her face because when it is time to prepare desert Regina is getting up and touching Emma’s arm softly, asking her to come help her in the kitchen. Emma recognises it for the escape from the situation that it is, despite everything Regina can still read her better than anyone, and she’s smiling gratefully at Regina before getting up and following her out into the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know there was hardly any SQ in this chapter, but the next one will be almost completely focused on them, and will be more fluffy than any of the chapters so far! thank you for reading, please let me know what you think, reviews always mean a lot xo


	7. Chapter 7

Emma is sitting on the kitchen counter while Regina is serving out the strawberry cheesecake she has made for desert. For a moment she feels like nothing has changed, like it’s 5 years ago and she’s at her best friends house for dinner and she’s helping her make desert even though there’s really nothing to help with, because she’ll take any excuse she can to be around Regina and Regina will ask for her help for the same reason. If not for the fact that Regina has said nothing to her since they got out into the kitchen and the silence between them feels awkward, she could almost make herself forget that the reason she’s really even there is because being around her family feels too uncomfortable and she had needed an out. 

She needs to say something, she thinks, to make the air around them feel less suffocating. She catches Regina’s arm as she passes and gives her a small, uncertain smile before speaking. “Thank you. You know, for getting me out of there for a minute.” Regina mirrors the smile she is being given, and then goes back to her task as she speaks, clearly not ready to look at her in the eyes while speaking to her just yet. “You looked uncomfortable. I don’t get nearly as much pleasure as i should from watching you suffer, unfortunately.” she says, rolling her eyes in what Emma might call a playful way, was she not completely aware that Regina was still very much mad at her. “I’m sorry.” she’s saying again, before she can stop herself. Regina just sighs like can’t stand hearing those words anymore before addressing Emma in a tone that honestly just sounds tired. “Stop apologising, Emma. We know you’re sorry. Sorry isn’t going to change anything. Your parents have forgiven you already, and henry will come around. Eventually.” 

“And you?” She’s asking before she can think any better of it, “Will you forgive me eventually too?” and she hates herself for the fact that even though she’s the one that’s caused all this pain, she can’t stop the tears that form in her eyes at the thought of Regina never forgiving her. 

Regina steps forward and softly takes one of Emma’s hands into her own before looking at her in the eyes and softly saying “I’m trying.” before squeezing the hand in her own gently and then turning to head back into the dining room where their family is waiting.

Emma doesn’t follow yet, still not ready to face them. The phrase “feeling alone in a room full of people” has never felt more relevant to her. her hand is still burning from the feel of Regina gently clasping it in her own, showing her more affection than she will ever deserve from her. 

She hugs her parent’s before they leave, willing herself not to feel awkward and pull away from them. Henry hugs them after, with much more ease than she does, and then Regina before heading out to do something, she’s not sure what, probably meeting up with some of his friends or a girlfriend, or maybe even boyfriend? There’s so much she doesn’t know about his life now, and she hates herself a little bit more with every question that forms in her head about him. He’s her son, she should know him. She will know him, she promises herself, if he ever lets her. 

When everyone has gone Regina retreats back into the kitchen and she follows her, more out of an old habit than anything else. She stands next to her at the sink, picking up a cloth ready to dry the dishes that Regina is currently washing. They don’t speak, they just silently work in a way that feels so natural and familiar that it hurts to think about it too much. This could have been her life for the past 5 years, had she not been such a complete idiot. 

After they are finished, Regina offers her a drink and she accepts, she could use it after the awkwardness of the night. They sit in Regina’s study, on separate couches this time, and Emma tries desperately to think of something to say before deciding on the one topic that they always used to rely on to discuss when things got uncomfortable. Henry. 

“So, where did Henry go tonight?” she asks, trying not to let the guilt she feels whenever she thinks about him show in her voice.

“I’m not sure. I don’t keep track of his every move, he’s not 13 anymore.” she says. Emma’s not sure wether she meant for that comment to hurt her, but it does. If Regina notices she doesn’t say anything. “He’s been talking a lot about Paige recently, so i’d imagine he’s probably with her, though he insists that they are ‘just friends’ and he talks about her a ‘healthy amount’” she says, smirking at the thought of her son’s embarassment when the subject of his love life is brought up.

Emma laughs. “ ‘A healthy amount?’” she says, raising an eyebrow. “He’s clearly picked up even more of your ways of speaking over the years.” 

Regina just shrugs, though she does look amused and slightly proud. “Well, he is my son. He’s spent more time around me than anyone else, there are bound to be similarities.” 

The use of “my son” Reminds her way too much of when she had first come to town, but she knows that on this occasion Regina hadn’t mean it to hurt her. Probably. She just smiles and says “I’m so glad he’s had you.” and Regina doesn’t make a bitter remark back, she doesn’t even look smug, she just looks at her with what is quiet understanding and reaches across to Emma’s couch to squeeze her arm softly. “He’s got us both now.” and Emma takes it as it is. The first steps to Regina forgiving her.


End file.
